Talk:Broken, The

I figured, why not read through parts of the article and show the mistakes I found or some other things I might have done differently. If that is overstepping any bounds, let me know. Alas, I have not really given much though to grammar in ages so take everything I point out with a load of salt (not just a grain).

'''section  the lost cathedral paragraph 1,'''

sentence 2: " for no Daemon manifested itself, ready to tear a part" -> daemon should not be capitalised here, as we are not talking about anyhting special but daemons in general and ready to tear apart and not "a part " though that group of words seems to be missing an object to be torn apart.

Then you get 2 sentences starting with the same words.. kinda bad style afaik. you talk of the "This invariably meant venturing deeper into the Hulk." --> hulk should not be written with a capital letter here etiher (same for "Space Hulk" in the previous sentence)

minor style bickering: the space hulk is in the warp, the UM party needs to take control over it to get it back to realspace and then to imperial terretory.. though I dunno how you would actually formulate it well //if it matters that much.

paragraph 2 I doubt that Bolters should be capitalised, as they're talking about bolters and their marks and leavings in general and not s specific one. terminators should not be written with capital letters imo (gut feeling here) the  punctuation seems kinda off but I cannot pinpoint it. reconnaissance is not a verb, reconnoitre (BE) is. "The Terminators having taken point until now -> until with one L (would you really use the term "rest" instead of maybe reprieve in the situaiton that the termis are in atm? it is not like they cannot be attacked at any moment even if they are not the ones to the fore of the column.´?

paragraph 3 ice-cold not icecold (my bet: Germans^^) it lay partially in ruin, not laid "with n enemy within, the squad gave the all-clear" ... this is preceded by descriptions of an archway and a ruin, inside a large chamber. the "within" relates to what exactly here, no enemy in the ruins (which they do not know yet) or no enemy in the larger chamber? I would use "with no enemy in sight" that is less ambiguous and more descriptive with regards to the all-clear. "They were all of space marine built and still in their power armour" ... you have Space Marine and Power Armour capitalized.. I would not do that. same goes for chapter-emblem.

paragraph 4

bolter-fragment (would the - be neccessary, why not 2 words?) "heretic" should not be capitalisedNeithan02 (talk) 11:35, June 19, 2018 (UTC)